Excerpt: Chapter 3 – When to Worry

Doers vs. Avoiders

While there’s no telling how your wife will react to the sobering prospect of infertility, I can pretty much guarantee that she will fall into one of two very distinct categories—the Doers and the Avoiders—that roughly break down like this:

The Doers: These are the women who, as soon as they suspect there’s a problem, shift into high gear and make things happen. Books will be bought, lectures will be attended, appointments will be made. The Doers don’t waste time, and they don’t take crap from nobody. My wife was a Doer. She was the ultimate Doer. She was a tornado.

The Avoiders: These are the women who believe that, so long as they don’t acknowledge there’s a problem, they don’t have a problem. They become detached, closed off, emotionless. In other words, very much like men.

Oddly enough, there’s no telling which one of these classifications your wife will fall into until she’s forced to make a choice. I’ve seen the most powerful, domineering women practically crawl into a shell when faced with fertility problems and, conversely, I’ve seen the most shy, passive women suddenly able to take on the world. Furthermore, there’s no telling if, and when, an Avoider will become a Doer and vice versa. It all comes down to how much they can take at any given point.

Here’s the bottom line: If you’ve honestly reached that point where you know there’s a problem, and your wife isn’t doing enough about it, then it is your duty and your obligation to pick up the slack. Fertility problems do not go away. They only get worse.